Jamie's Journey

Yesterday was a day for great celebration.  For on that day, 8 years ago, my nephew Jack was born! And let me tell you, when Jack was born the world became a different place!

My boy Jack is a big brown-eyed, chubby cheeked, gorgeous boy.  He is a football super star and is absolutely addicted to CHIPS! ANY chips will do, just don’t come between Jack and his chips!

Jack will do anything for his Mommy whether it’s getting her a bottle of water or helping out with chores.  He loves to spend time with his daddy and look forward to their time spent together.  He’s always first down the stairs to give big old hugs when he knows family has come to visit and will sit and talk with you, telling all about school, his friends or the team he’s playing all.

And my boy is SMART!! He knows Spanish, he always says his prayers at night and love with his whole, BIG heart!

So I would y’all please take this moment to wish my nephew Jack a VERY VERY  VERY Happy 8th Birthday and send him lots and lots of birthday hugs, kisses and well wishes for the coming year?

Happy Birthday JackMan!

Love, Love, Love!

Aunt Jamie

In just less than 2 weeks my super, awesome BF is taking me away on all expenses paid vacation for my birthday.  Where is he taking me you ask? DUH! Only the most magical place on EARTH!!

We’re going to Disney! We’re going to Disney! We’re going to Disney!

Laugh if you must but I am über excited to go on my first REAL trip ( I was about 2 the last time I was there) to Disney World. I’m stoked to also be there at the same time as my 2 other sisters and their families and we get to see Kev’s family! That means we also get to see one of my BFFs, KATIE!! WOOT!

So the countdown has begun.  We leave July 5th! Only 12 more days!

We’re going to Disney! We’re going to Disney!

Love! Love! Love!

Lots to go over today.  Mostly little things, but updates none the less, so let’s get to it.

Today I did a short 20 miler.  I was feeling a bit off today so I didn’t want to push it but I wanted to get a ride in none the less.  My brother (in law) Jeff gave me his clipless pedals for me to use. He swears by them and says that they are key for long rides.  So last week he put them on my bike and today I gave them a go. The verdict? I LOVE them!! They are fantastic and have no idea why I’ve been riding without them for so long.  They help when you need to climb hills, plus the push-pull motion you use helps you to work different legs muscles so you don’t get tired out quickly.  Clipping out was relative easy, however clipping in was a pain in my arse.  It took forever for me to clip in.  I know that over time it will become 2nd nature but for now it’s a pain.  But all in all I HIGHLY recommend getting them if you are a serious rider.

So aside from getting to test out my new pedals today I finally biked the full North Country Trailway.  The southern half of the trail is actually pretty easy.  It’s relatively flat without to many inclines.  A very easy ride indeed.  However I felt totally off today.  I had a bit of a flutter in my chest and then started to get tunnel vision.  I’ve passed out 3 times now (twice in a doctors office and one in an ex-boyfriends bathroom) so I knew if I ignored these symptoms I would soon be passing out on my bike, while being clipped in.  So my mom and I found some shade and took a break.  I sucked down tons of water and laid down to steady my heart and breathing.  I was pretty pissed I was feeling all this and I sat there racking my brain trying to figure out why I would be experiencing the sudden symptoms.  I got a good night sleep, I was dressed appropriately for the conditions, I had a good breakfast…. what gives?  You know what gives? Most mornings I suck down a at least 2 bottles of water.  This morning? NONE!! UGH! I can’t believe I totally spaced on that.  So I was basically dehydrated as hell.  God I’m a dip!!! Needless to say I drank my mom’s water and the water I brought with me and was able to finish my ride.  But as soon as I got home I drank my 2 bottles of water and took a nap.  ::sigh::

Lastly, I have been directed to a website that I think you all should go to.  It’s called KeyandBenWalk.com.  These 2 gentlemen are walking from Florida to NYC to raise $20,000 for Breast Cancer!!  How cool is that?  You can follow their progress at their site as well as donate.  I urge you to go donate and cheer them on.

One more thing  ::insert shameless plug here:: my ride is nearly 3 months away.  I am shooting to raise $5000. However I would LOVE to raise even more. So go donate, PLEASE?  And check out my route so that you can come cheer me on! Don’t forget, it’s the first weekend of October so I better see tons of you there. Family, friends, people I talk to all the time, people I’ve never met, people I haven’t talked to or seen in forever, heck people I may have had a falling out with. Come cheer me on and all is forgiven! HA!

Love Love Love

Do you know what yesterday was? NO, not Flag Day! Are you Kidding me? It was my nephew, JP’s, Birthday!! THAT’S why all the flags were up!!

So yesterday my blue-eyed, blondie gentleman turned 11! Can you believe it? So much to say, so much to wish him!

JP, do you have any idea just how much you are loved?  You are loved from the moon back, and then some.  I’m surprised your heart hasn’t burst with all the love that surges toward it each day.

You are an amazing guy.  You are my little gentleman. You hold doors, give great hugs and kisses whenever I ask and have taken care of me when I didn’t feel very good.  AND SMART!! I can’t even to begin to talk about how smart you not only are in school but with reading people and their emotions and knowing what they need.

JP I don’t think I could ever properly put into words just how much I adore you and enjoy every single minute that I get to share with you.  I am so very proud and honored to be your Aunt.

Don’t ever forget how much WE ALL love you and will always be here for you my LAX playing, marathon racing, snowboarding SUPERSTAR!!!

NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE SAY, NAY SCREAM AND CHEER…………

Oh Heaven, Jason is 11!!!!

Happy Birthday Handsome!!!

Love Love Love you!

Holy Hormones Batman!

So it’s no secret that when you undergo chemo as a woman, often times you lose your period and get thrown into early menopause.  The younger you are the better chance you have to “reversing” that and getting your period back.  This is key for me because although I preemptively froze some of my eggs, as an insurance policy, I still hope that I don’t need to dip into that little reserve.  But it’s there if needed.

For me it has been over a year since I lost my period.  No cause for alarm because sometimes it can take up to 2 to 5 years before that region of the body gets it together.  However, once a month I tend to get cramps. Ladies you know what cramps I’m talking about.  They last a few hours and then *POOF* they are gone.  Well the past 2 months not only have I been getting cramps, but I’ve been feeling bloated and I become an emotional wreck.  I go from happy and fun to crying hysterically and then I roll right into angry, pissy, snotty and completely irrational.  I feel like I’m 14, hitting puberty all over again.  My God is it awful!

And of course my parents and Kevin get the full brunt of it all.  My parents try their best to ignore me, though my father has expressed that he has already dealt with this 4 times and is “too old to go through it again”.  But Kevin, he is just an innocent, sweet, guy who is at a complete loss as to what he should do.  He keeps saying, “all I want to do is make you happy and do whatever it takes to keep things easy for you but I have NO CLUE as to what to do now.”  He just stares at me wide-eyed as I rip into him for not reading my mind and then start to bawl because I hate life and the world is against me and then bound into my happy emotion with such swiftness it leaves his head spinning.

Often times I catch him and my mom in huddled, quiet conversations, sharing notes and discussing my latest mood swing and hoping that the happy trip I’m on lasts longer because I was a beast just 2 days ago.  (DON’T THINK I DON”T KNOW WHAT YOU SAY ABOUT ME!!!!)

Ugh I’m awful! I know! But going through it is so much worse than having to deal with it.  They can just walk away, shut the door, or not answer my calls. But I have to live through the friggen turmoil.  The only thing that is keeping me sane is that when Kevin and I discussed what was going on with my oncologist he said that he has heard this a lot from women who were about to start their period again.  The body is starting to regulate itself and get it together. So I dearly hold on to this little nugget of info in hopes that it is truth and the my period does indeed return soon.

Yes I want to be bothered once a month with my period. The cramps, the bloating, the emotions and the tampons.  Because that is yet another step to returning to normal.

As for my hair? It’s getting there!

Love, Love, Love!

So I’ve been riding my little butt off to get myself ready for the big ride in October.  I’ve been doing anywhere between 15 to 30 miles, 4 to 6 days a week.  On my off days I do a cardio P90X video or go for a walk with Kev.  I’m doing anything and everything I can to make sure that I complete the 220+ miles and that I’m not in DEAD LAST when I do.  My fear is that the sweeper van will creep up on me and throw me into it and shuttle me off to the hotel because it’s just taking me to damn long to finish.  I still have lots of time to train, I know this, but I’m still nervous and working super hard.

So near me there is a kick butt trail that I ride with my mom, Kev and a super new friend who I met via TDP.  We’ve been riding the North and South County Trailways that connects to the Putnam Bike Path.  In total the path is about 52 miles, one way.  It’s paved and runs through some of the most beautiful and scenic areas around.  It’s a great place to ride. During the week and on Saturdays it’s not to crowded with other riders and walkers.  I can easily slide past and everyone is really courteous to the other users of the trail.  Sundays are usually a nightmare if you go at the wrong time.  I try to get there really early Sunday morning before the path become so congested that you’re basically walking your bike.

The Putnam trail has more hills and they are long and steep.  I can usually ride most of them but there are 3 that kick my butt every time and I’ve had to walk my bike up them….. until today that is…….

Today I headed out for a ride with my mom.  We planed to do just the Putnam Trail and work on getting up the hills.  So off we went.  First half of the ride was fine.  Smaller hills made for an easy climb. Then we cam upon the first 2 major downhills that I knew I would have to climb on the way back.  As we approached the descent I yelled back at my mom, “I don’t wanna go down the hill.”  She laughed at me.  Yeah, I’m “crying” and she’s laughing.  You know how you know it’s a bad hill? You know those signs you see on the side of the road that show a car or truck going down a steep hill to warn you that the hill is steep? Yeah it has one of those but with a bike on it!!! SUPER!!! But I digress….. so down I go.  I kicked my speed up to about 28 mph.  WEEEEEEEE! Now up a small hill and then down the next big hill and up a small hill again.  We push the last 2 miles to the end of the trail.  A pretty little ride over Lake Carmel and then you’re at the end and need to turn around.  After a quick stop to chug some water and spritz our faces with cold water we make our way back. JOY!

So we get to the first hill.  As soon as I start to approach it I drop my head and look just 5 or 6 feet in front of me only looking up occasionally.  If I don’t have to watch how far I still have to climb it won’t hurt as bad.  So off I go.  I’m pushing and pulling on my pedals, and I’m ever yelling out to my mom and myself, “CLIMB, CLIMB, CLIMB! DIG, DIG, DIG!!!”.  Woo Hoo!! Made it up the first sucker.  Now I have the next 2 evil hills.

So the way these hills work is that you go up the first one then have a few hundred feet of flat surface and then head up the next one.  They are relatively steep and about 3/4s of a mile long.  Now I’m sure there are plenty of you fabulous bikers out there who could eat this hill for a snack, but my mom and I are newbies….. and well, it’s daunting as hell.

So off we go up the hill.  I again drop my head and then remember what my dear friend Joy told me, “Drop your gears and just go!”.  And I do.  As I’m climbing up the hill all I can think about is how I have to get UP the damn hill.  I’m yelling at myself to dig and I even let out a few loud guttural yells to force me up. Then I just start talking to Tray.  Basically I’m yelling at her for a little bit of help and to beg her to get my legs to stop shaking.  I sneak a peek behind me to see how my mom is doing and she is off her bike walking it up. GRRRRR, I’m on my own. But not really because I hear my mom yelling behind me, “WOO HOO!! LOOK AT YOU GO GIRLIE!!!” And I am.  My ass is actually making it up and I’m breathing hard and pedaling and yelling at myself and climbing the stupid hill.  Next thing I know, I’m at the top of the hill!?!? REALLY!?!?! I did that? As soon as the path levels out I hop off my bike and just drop.  My legs and hands are shaking, I’m breathing super hard and I’m crying. Why the HELL am I crying?  For my readers who have gone through or are currently going through cancer and chemo and all the other lovely surgeries and treatments that come along with it, you’ll get this.  I’m crying because one year ago I was on a couch, sick as hell, tired as shit, scrawny, scared and miserable.  I couldn’t walk the 5 steps to the bathroom without having to stop, rest and catch my breath.  Now I’m biking 30 miles and climbing hills?!!? I’M ALIVE AND I’M HEALTHY!! The burn in my lungs feels so good! The sweat dripping down my back and off my face is so invigorating.  The soreness in my muscles caused from working them out and not from joint or bone pain caused by chemo or my neupogen shot feels like heaven. My body is strong and healthy and working WITH ME to do something amazing instead of railing AGAINST ME to kill me!  This is why I’m crying like a weirdo!

When my mom finally meets up with me she can see I’m crying but she knows why.  With her there doesn’t need to be words a lot of the time.  She cheers me on again, gives me a spritz and after I catch my breath we are off again.  The way back was heaven.  I felt stronger and faster.  I was flying up the hills and motoring past everyone.  It feels so good!

So now I am sore. And I love it! I’m still a little nervous about the ride but I think if I keep working hard and train as hard as I am I’ll be able to pull it off!!

So now, go donate to my ride!! PLEASE?

P.S. To everyone who has already donated I can’t begin to thank you enough. Please know that I plan to send you a more formal thank you once the ride is over.  I think a hand written thank you along with a picture of me on my ride is the only appropriate way to truly show my appreciation for your kindness and support for something that is so near and dear to my heart!

LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!

To My Sweet Ro!

Happy Birthday Kiddo! I can’t believe you’re 9! I remember when you used to be a tiny little baby with huge bright blue eyes that made me melt.  You’re growing up so quick! But you’re growing up into one of the sweetest and kindest boys I know.  YOu have such a loving and kind heart.  If you see me with a frown or looking even a little sad you immediately hug me and want to know whats wrong.  And when I walk in the door you’re always the first one to give me a big hug. And I KNOW how much you hate when I force you to give me kisses when I see you, even in front of your friends, but you placate your dear aunt and kiss me anyway. You are such a lovebug!!!

Don’t ever forget how very much you are loved and how much you mean to me.  You really are a super cool kid who I know will grow into in the most amazing man.  I don’t doubt that at all.  Happy Birthday Kiddo!!

I Love Love Love You!

Aunt Jamie

Mother’s Day was celebrated a week early this year due to Mom having to work this weekend.  So my Mom, sisters and I all took a trip up to Ogunquit, ME to spend some quality time together and celebrate our Mom!

We loaded ourselves into the CR-V last Saturday and made the quick trip up.  It was sunny and relatively warm.  Hell, the day was gorgeous.  When we reached Ogunquit we headed to 16 Beach Street B & B, a gorgeous little beach house that we called “home” for the next few days.  Our hosts, Linda and Dick, were there to warmly great us with smiles and welcoming hugs.  Mom and Dad had stayed there this past August for their anniversary and mom wanted to take us girls back there to see and experience gorgeous Maine and the welcoming and beautiful accommodations at 16 Beach.

Upon our arrival Linda showed us to our rooms. They were gorgeous and cozy and hard not to fall in love with.  My mom and I bunked up sharing The Hattie Nagle Room while Liza and Katie shared The Mary Harrington Room.  After settling into our respective rooms we ventured out into the town to grab lunch, check out the cute shops and meander down Marginal Way. The views were amazing.  There were cool rocks to climb on with small pools to explore.  Every view was more breath-taking then the next.  It was hard to stop snapping pictures.

At the end of Marginal Way is Perkins Cove.  Perkins Cove is a small Lobstering Village with a ton of character.  There are funky shops, tons of boats, yummy places to eat and the nicest people to talk to.  For dinner we ate at the famed Barnacle Billy’s.  Here you can get the best lobster rolls and enjoy their yummy Run Runner punch. It also happens to be George Bush’s favorite place to eat when he’s at his home in Kennebunkport.

The next day was filled with more shopping, more wandering along the beaches and eating of YUMMY food.  The cute little restaurants were great but the best food by far was made by our lovely hostess Linda.  Every morning we happily devoured her breakfasts leaving our plates licked clean.

The weekend away was amazing.  We were able to spend some much-needed time together.  Though much of the weekend was filled with fun and laughter there were moments when I noticed us sitting silently, each of us in our own thoughts, usually thinking about and missing Tracy.  I’m sure, like me, my mom and sisters couldn’t help but feel the lack of her presence.  Each night at dinner we toasted to her and we made sure to talk about her and include her in our own way but she was missed.  She will always be missed.  Its hard getting used to this new “normal”.  But I think we are doing our best, no matter how much it hurts.

I know for my mom, Mother’s Day will never really be the same.  She will always feel the whole in her heart is a bit bigger that day and she will ache just a bit more for her first baby girl.  But I hope she knows just how much I love her and how much she means to me.  And I hope that she was able to enjoy the weekend with us, even if it was for a fleeting moment.

I want to wish every Mom out there a VERY HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY.  To be a Mama is one of the most amazing gifts and feeling a woman can possibly experience and I really hope that I am able to celebrate being a Mama one day too.

Happy Mother’s Day to my sisters, Tracy, Liza and Katie, my grandmother and Aunts, my dear friends who are now mother’s and to all the women in my life who have become 2nd mothers to me.  But most importantly, Happy Mother’s Day to the woman who has always cared for me, loved me, and been the best mother anyone could possibly be.

I Love Love Love you Mom!!!

PS… Check out the pics from our trip HERE.  I highly recommend visiting this little slice of Heaven and staying at the same B&B as we did.  I am taking Kevin and few of my friends there in the Fall.  I think this is going to be a yearly visit for me. 

To my Gorgeous niece Lily!

I can’t begin to put into words how ver much I love you.  Each year you grow into an even more kind, sweet, intelligent, beautiful and strong young woman.  YOu bring so much joy and happiness to so many lives. You have such a huge heart that is evident in the way you love your family and friends.

Never forget how very much you are loved and adored and how very proud of you I am.  I feel so ver lucky to have the bond with you that I do and I will forever cherish it and hold you close to my heart.

Happy, Happy, Happy 12th Birthday!

Love, Love, Love!

Aunt Jamie!

Today is my sister’s, Katie, Birthday!  My beautiful, sarcastic, amazing sister.

Katie, I wish you happiness, success, that your wishes come true, your dreams become a reality and that life has many happy surprises for you! I am so happy that you are not just my sister, but one of my very best friends.  I love the time we share together, the laughs we have and all our long talks.  I am so very blessed to have you for my sister!

HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY KATIE!!

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE YOU!!

Jamie