Musical Interlude…..

Sometimes there are no words left.  It truly just is……

 

Hello, remember me?

So it’s been a while since I’ve done a personal update and I truly apologize for that. However after you hear about how my last few weeks have been I’m pretty sure I’ll be forgiven. So let’s get to it with a quick rundown.

1 – 3 weeks ago I was feeling utterly exhausted. I was so tired that I couldn’t walk the 10 steps from my bed to the bathroom without being out of breathe and my legs shaking. Turns out I was dehydrated and had to get 2 bags of fluid. I almost didn’t get chemo that week but I rebounded nicely and was able to stay on track. However both my nurse and brother-in-law gave me a serious pep-talk. Basically they told me that I really need to take care of myself and try to get through my treatments as healthy as possible. So if it means missing chemo one week, then so be it. The goal of chemo is to kill cancer. NOT ME!!

2 – I had the most amazing and lovely dinner with some of my YSC ladies, Anna, Joy, Dinamarie, Joy’s Husband and Bryce. We went to dinner in the city and had the most amazing time chatting and enjoying one another.  It was so nice to be around these ladies.  They are all such strong, fierce women who have beaten their disease and have gone on to have healthy, full and happy lives. They have truly become role models that I aspire to be even 1/10 like. They have been so helpful and supportive and I’m so blessed to be able to call them my friends.

3 – Jason’s 10th Birthday was a beautiful yet difficult day.  It was so hard to celebrate this momentous day and see him smile and yet know that he wished his mommy could be there.  And I know we all wished the same for him. Jeff did such an amazing job on his party. He planned a mini-golfing party with Jason and his friends. After the kids party they came back to the house to have a party with the family and close friends. It was nice to see him smiling and running around with his cousins laughing. Near the end of the night Jeff asked my sisters and I to head up to the bedroom to go through some of Tracy’s clothes. It was just a few bags of her t-shirts and tank tops that he asked us to go through and take what we wanted and it was so hard to do.  It was difficult to take her shirts but at the same time I wanted to take them so I could have a piece of her. I still have some of her clothes sitting in a bag in my room. I know sooner or later I’ll take them out and wear them but I need to do it on my time. We all shed a great deal of tears during the process.

4 – Last week I had my 1st trip to the ER with my “sickness”.  I had been feeling crummy and worn out all week but I thought it was just my typical “3 days after chemo” feeling.  However by Wed I felt miserable. I was presenting flu like symptoms and my mom decided she wasn’t going to take any chances, just in case I had swine flu, so off we went.  I was quarantined, had blood drawn, a chest x-ray and was given the good news that I didn’t have swine flu. However they still wanted to treat me as if I had the flu so they gave me some Tami-flu and sent me home. On Thursday the ER called to tell me that my preliminary blood tests showed I had Lyme’s Disease. UM WHAT??? However I had Lyme’s when I was 8 so this could just be my old infection presenting itself so they need to send it out for further testing. But of course they wanted to play it safe so they put me on yet another antibiotic (Doxycyclen).  Thursday night Bryce came over to “take care of me”. He did his typical tucking me in, making fun of me to try and get me to laugh and then passing out on the couch with me. It’s always nice to have him close when I’m feeling my lousiest. On Friday the ER called back again, this time to tell me I had Strep.  (Of course, just keeping adding to the pile).  They decided not to add a 3rd antibiotic but they asked how I was feeling.  Uh, better, thanks for asking.

So here we are today. I’m feeling better, I still don’t know about the Lyme’s and I have chemo on Friday. WEEEEEE! But after Friday I only have 5 treatments left. That;s right! One hand worth of treatments! JOY!!! I also have 2 job interviews coming up that I’m pretty excited for. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that things are beginning to shift to the positive for me. 

Oh! Last week Liza and I went to a Yankee game at the new Stadium. We had so much fun. We ate hot dogs, she drank a beer( I smelled it), we yelled and cheered and watched the Yankees win. We took the train to and from the game and I highly recommend that to others. It was super easy and convenient. We had great seats and really had a lot of fun. It was so nice to share it with her and I hope/think she had as much fun as I did.

Again I apologize for the delay in my update. It’s been a rough few weeks but I promise to be on top of my game. Tomorrow I have the 1st of my 2 interviews so keep your fingers crossed for me. Hope all is well with you guys and that some of you are getting a hell of a lot better weather then we are on the East Coast. 

Love, Love, Love!!!

Happy Father’s Day!

Today is Father’s Day, and I want to wish all the men in my life, who are Father’s, a VERY Happy Father’s Day!

However there is one man that I must single out from all the rest. And that, of course, is my dad.  My dad has been my soccer coach, my protector and teacher.  Though he doesn’t easily show his emotions, I could never question his love for me. My father hates when one of his girls is hurting and he can’t fix it.  He loves us, hurts for us, and cheers for us in his own private way.

This has been a rough year for my dad. From losing his eldest daughter to finding out that his youngest daughter must now fight the same disease he lost his other daughter too.  But  my father has been a solid rock that has been there for me and taken care of me during my fight.

He’s gone with me to numerous doctor’s appointments, held my hand when I was scared, cleaned my drains after my mastectomy, made me any comfort food I asked for, and has basically been at my beck and call for the past 8 months.  He’s sat with me during my chemo treatment, learned to give me a shot and took me to my procedure when I went to have my eggs frozen before I began chemo and then shuttled us down to NJ for my sister’s wake that same day.

My dad traded days with my mom, often driving back and forth from NJ making sure that Tray and I had at least one parent with us at all times.  When I first got out of the hospital from my surgery, he slept at the hospital with Tracy for 2 weeks so that my mom could be home to take care of me.  My father put everything on hold to take care of us.

He may seem gruff or rough around the edges. He has a sense of humor that even sometimes even still throws me for a loop and he’s a shoot from the hit, tell like it is kind of guy.  But over the past 8 months I have been reminded of my dad’s gentleness, his love, care and concern and his undying devotion for his family.  There isn’t anything he wouldn’t do for us, for me! Not many dad’s could sit in the same exam as their daughter while her breast surgeon checks out his handy work.  My father discreetly kept his eyes averted, yet held my hand tight while the drains where pulled from my chest. 

I will never be able to thank my father enough for the way he has been my rock during this journey. I couldn’t ask for a better Dad.

There is a special place in heaven for the Father of 4 girls!

Thank you for loving me, caring for me and being my daddy! I love you!

 

Love, Love, Love!!

Happy Birthday Jason!!

Ladies and Gentlemen! Boys and Girls! Animals, plants and inanimate objects! The day has come. What day you ask? Why it’s my nephew Jason’s 10th Birthday!!!  So it is time for all of you stand up on some chairs, get up on that table, shake your butts and cheer really loud for JP!!!

Jason is a smart, sensitive and sweet guy.  He’s an amazing runner who has competed in many marathons often times winning in his age group.  He loves to play LAX and to rough house with his dogs Murphy and Judah.  He cheers for the Bears like any good football fan should and has one of the best smiles I’ve ever seen.

His mama taught him well and he is quite the little gentleman.  He will hold doors open for me, carry bags that look to heavy and will be quick to give me a hug and ask me how I’m doing.  He really looks up to his daddy.  He wants to race cars and scuba dive just like him.  But for now he has to settle on being a blond haired, blue eyed heart-throb who has a ton of adoring fans.

So today we celebrate my JP.  I love him so very much.  He is silly and kind, thoughtful and gentle and one of the strongest and bravest boys I know!

JP, I am so happy and proud to call you my nephew.  Don’t ever forget how much I love you and I’m always here for you! Today I celebrate you and all that you are! I love you!!!!

Love, Love, Love!