Holy Hormones Batman!
So it’s no secret that when you undergo chemo as a woman, often times you lose your period and get thrown into early menopause. The younger you are the better chance you have to “reversing” that and getting your period back. This is key for me because although I preemptively froze some of my eggs, as an insurance policy, I still hope that I don’t need to dip into that little reserve. But it’s there if needed.
For me it has been over a year since I lost my period. No cause for alarm because sometimes it can take up to 2 to 5 years before that region of the body gets it together. However, once a month I tend to get cramps. Ladies you know what cramps I’m talking about. They last a few hours and then *POOF* they are gone. Well the past 2 months not only have I been getting cramps, but I’ve been feeling bloated and I become an emotional wreck. I go from happy and fun to crying hysterically and then I roll right into angry, pissy, snotty and completely irrational. I feel like I’m 14, hitting puberty all over again. My God is it awful!
And of course my parents and Kevin get the full brunt of it all. My parents try their best to ignore me, though my father has expressed that he has already dealt with this 4 times and is “too old to go through it again”. But Kevin, he is just an innocent, sweet, guy who is at a complete loss as to what he should do. He keeps saying, “all I want to do is make you happy and do whatever it takes to keep things easy for you but I have NO CLUE as to what to do now.” He just stares at me wide-eyed as I rip into him for not reading my mind and then start to bawl because I hate life and the world is against me and then bound into my happy emotion with such swiftness it leaves his head spinning.
Often times I catch him and my mom in huddled, quiet conversations, sharing notes and discussing my latest mood swing and hoping that the happy trip I’m on lasts longer because I was a beast just 2 days ago. (DON’T THINK I DON”T KNOW WHAT YOU SAY ABOUT ME!!!!)
Ugh I’m awful! I know! But going through it is so much worse than having to deal with it. They can just walk away, shut the door, or not answer my calls. But I have to live through the friggen turmoil. The only thing that is keeping me sane is that when Kevin and I discussed what was going on with my oncologist he said that he has heard this a lot from women who were about to start their period again. The body is starting to regulate itself and get it together. So I dearly hold on to this little nugget of info in hopes that it is truth and the my period does indeed return soon.
Yes I want to be bothered once a month with my period. The cramps, the bloating, the emotions and the tampons. Because that is yet another step to returning to normal.
As for my hair? It’s getting there!
Love, Love, Love!
Jamie's Journey 