Yes, only 1 chemo to go! That’s it. JUST ONE! Can you imagine? Are we even able to wrap our heads around this? After 6 months and nearly 16 treatments I am coming to the end of this craptastic journey!
It hasn’t even hit me yet. My family and friends are so excited for me. They’re jumping up and down, celebrating and asking just how excited I am and for me, I just can react. It hasn’t hit me yet. I don’t think it will really hit me until this Friday when I am sitting in my chemo chair for the last time. It will be the last time that I will get stuck with an IV in order to administer my life saving poison. And after all is said and done, my life can go back to normal. Well, a new normal I suppose.
My hair will grow back. I will finally be able to taste food again. My energy will slowly be on the rise. The color will come back to my face. And I will slowly be able to put all my focus on other areas of my life.
Mom and Dad are going away to Maine this week for their wedding anniversary so my sister Katie will be driving up from Maryland to take me to my last treatment. I’m so happy she’s going to be here with me. She has a wicked sense of humor that will keep me smiling but she also knows how HUGE this day is so if there are a few tears shed she’ll either wipe mine away or cry right along with me.
I feel like my life has been in a holding pattern these last few months. So much of my life has been put on hold while I’ve trucked to this finish line. My whole life has revolved around my treatments, getting through them as healthy as possible and reaching this finish line. And now it’s nearly here.
I have no idea what life will be like or even feel like once Friday is said and done. Is it weird to say that I’m afraid? What comes next? As far as treatments, I am done. There is no need for radiation or any type of pills. My only follow up will be to get scans every few months for 5 years and then yearly every year after that. Plus there will be check-ups with my oncologist. But what of my life? My day to day being and existence?
I have thrown myself into this fight. So much so that I don’t think I’ve ever really let it hit me that I have lost my sister. Yes, I know Tracy is gone but I never really let myself experience the full magnitude of the loss because I’ve been so afraid that if I let myself REALLY feel it I wouldn’t be able to get back up and keep fighting. But now? Now I’m going to have to have it over for dinner and sit down and have a conversation with it.
Cancer does not define someone. And I refuse to let it define me. Tracy never defined herself by her cancer. Instead I want my cancer and my battle with it to be yet another testament to how strong I am. That no matter what I am hit with or how raw a deal I may get I am still going to claw my way back up and come out better then what I was when I started.
So for now I am resting and building up my strength for Friday. My very last chemo. EVER!!! I just have to get through ONE more. And then? Well, the possibilities for my future are pretty endless.
Love, Love, Love!
Jamie's Journey 